Divorce Care

"I would rather be dead".  ... Dr. Bud Wohlhueter

These were the words that gripped my thoughts as I tried to navigate my way through the wreckage of my own marital breakdown.  After 16 years of trying to make my marriage healthy, I gave in to my spouses wishes to exit the relationship after learning of extra-marital activity.  With two young children, a belief that marriage is susposed to last forever, and a broken heart, I was now faced with an uncertain future.  Many reading this can related to what I am writing.  I can help you because I have been where you currently are!  Here's why I think you need Professional Counseling at this time:

D - Denial - For whatever reason you are now Divorced, the shock of it all will eventually set in.  You may have a hard time coming to terms with your marraige being over.  Trust me!  This is "normal" behavior for such a HUGE loss, especially if you have children involved.

A - Anger - Regardless of how mild and laid back you think you are, you will have a struggle with anger.  The overwhelming emotion of loss will produce INTENSE anger.  This emotion must be "mastered" or one's behavior could turn destructive and harmful.

B - Bargaining - "Let's Make a Deal" will be a natural reaction to overcome the hurt and loss of Divorce.  You may "bargain" with God, your ex-spouse, yourself, etc.  This action is rooted in the hope that "If I promise to be better, act better, live better, nag less, etc." than the relationship has a fighting chance of survival.  This may or not be true.

D - Depression - Stated another way, "Extreme Sadness" will set in.  Trust me!  It is coming!  Whenever grief is encountered because of loss, depression is the body's and brain's way of coping.  It will simply take time to come through this stage.  Depression is the common cold of emotional distress.  It is a little scary because you don't like to see yourself as "weak".  Trust me!  You ARE not weak because of these challenges.  This is normal.  A few helpful tips:  Get a medical check-up from your family doctor as a "temporary" prescription for anxiety / depression may be necessary.  Don't resist this.  Additionally, start a daily exercise routine and eat a balanced diet.

A - Acceptance - Accepting loss does not mean that it is right or that it is fair.  Acceptance is needed for you to heal and move on with your life.  You will need to "wrestle" with some heavy topics such as forgiveness and faith along with a few others.  Take your time!  This won't come without tears, testing, and triumphs.  You will take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.  Don't be alarmed with this type of progress.  You are "cleaning" a DEEP wound so it can heal fully and completely.  Remember, God is a Healer.  Look to Him.  Lean on Him!  

H - Hope - Hope gives birth to a belief that "my best days are still ahead of me".  Hope may have seemed like a "intangible" element from times past.  However, Hope is revisiting your life and you now have the courage and confidence to "Begin Again".  This has taken some time to arrive here and a lot of effort to boot.  You have realized that you are MUCH stronger than you give yourself credit for.  You ARE an overcomer and you have proven it.  Celebrate this accomplishment!

I hope this has helped to explain some of what you are feeling inside.  If you need further help or one-on-one help, please contact me at the number listed in the "Contact us" section of this site.